PW#6

I feel like my draft is not very good. I think it could use a lot of work, my transitions aren't as smooth as the could be. Also I think I could use some help explaining how I want to say this things I am trying to express a little better. Also I could use some help on Breaking down my paragraphs and adding better vocabulary. Another thing is I think I sound very repetitive in each paragraph. So I could use some pointers from my group to help express more of my point of what I'm trying to say in my draft.